I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize