During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
