i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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