im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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