Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
