i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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