I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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