go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
