evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish I only lived at night.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
