Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
