If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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