I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Holy shit dude........stairs
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
