STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm always down for nudity.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
