ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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