You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
