i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
