I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
