Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize