I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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