If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
