We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
