You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
