help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
