"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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