no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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