Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
