Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
