Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
