...so i touched it.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
