I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
