i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
