idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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