Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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