Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
