why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
