just tell him i said nine months
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
