Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
