dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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