We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
