You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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