I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
