Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
