in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
