Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
