hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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