i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
