Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize