Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
