i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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