My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize