I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
