literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
