You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize