I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
