Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
