what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
