Sponge bath it is.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
