i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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