so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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