Michael Bay diarrhea
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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