new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
