I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
