She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
