Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
