He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
