I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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