i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
