PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
