If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
