was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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