im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
