My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
