I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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