My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
