I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
