I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
