And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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