wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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