I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
