Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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