HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
