The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
