I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
