I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
