Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
