Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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