I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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