He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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