she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
