Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
