six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
