Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
