Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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