Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
