ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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