Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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