Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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