i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
