I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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