Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
