If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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