Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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