You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
