You can't special order awesome
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
