Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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